SPE Spotlight
Revisioning Retreats Help Evangelical Covenant Pastors Wrestle with Call
Though 1300-miles apart, the Revs. Tim Bukowski and Greg Du Bois had much in common a year and a half ago. Ministers in the Evangelical Covenant Church, they both pastored small congregations, Bukowski in Machesney Park, Ill., and Du Bois in Glenburn, Maine. They were both married, with families to support. And in mid-career, after 20 years as a pastor for Bukowski and 11 and a half for Du Bois, they were both discouraged and increasingly questioning their call to ministry.
“I was feeling stuck,” recalls Bukowski. “Things were becoming routine and mechanical. I was looking for something to help me come out of that and to help me go into deeper water. I felt like I was thirsty for something, but I just wasn’t able to name it.”
“I was at a time in my ministry when I had become uncertain about whether or not I was cut out to be a pastor,” says Du Bois. “Although I could see spiritual growth in a few individuals in my church, overall the congregation was reluctant to reach out and share the gospel. I wondered if the church just closed its doors, would anyone in town even notice?”
In May 2006, however, Bukowski and Du Bois spent a life-changing week on a “Revisioning Retreat” with eight other pastors at Pilgrim Pines, an Evangelical Covenant camp and conference center in Swanzey, N.H. Part of a much broader Sustaining Pastoral Excellence program sponsored by the Evangelical Covenant Church, the revisioning retreats are designed to give pastors a chance to examine deeply their sense of call in a safe and supportive environment, according to the Rev. Dan Pietrzyk, SPE director for the Evangelical Covenant Church.
A multi-faceted initiative, the Evangelical Covenant SPE program offers pastors a variety of programs including spiritual direction at the North Park Theological Seminary, seminars aimed at improving core competencies in preaching and other pastoral skills, and individual and group retreats. But of all these options, the revisioning retreats have had the most immediate and dramatic effect, says Pietrzyk.
“Their impact has been enormous,” he says. “Giving pastors permission to hit the pause button and sit at the feet of Jesus for a week of tending has produced moving and sacred interactions. These have been holy events that have led to startling transformations in pastors.”
During the retreats, which are held twice a year at various locations around the United States, 10 pastors gather and work with a team of five spiritual directors and three other teacher-administrators. The week follows a “journey motif,” with an emphasis on spiritual direction and a re-introduction to basic devotional practices such as centering prayer, lectio divina, communion and worship. During the week, the pastors move through an initial period aimed at helping them slow down and let go, then into a period of intense self-examination, and finally, ending with the development of a personal growth plan.
Although Bukowski had heard of spiritual direction, he had never experienced it before. But at the retreat, he knew immediately that it was what he had been searching for. To talk with a trained spiritual director, who helped him to look and listen for the presence of God in his life and ministry, was extraordinarily powerful, Bukowski says.
“When I experienced it the first time, it was like the coolest, coldest glass of water on the hottest day that I could have received,” he says. “It was just a gift. And it was as natural and as comfortable as an old flannel shirt I’d had for 25 years.”
With daily communion, periods for reflection and silence, lectio divina, and prayer, the five days of the retreat were full and demanding, but rich with meaning, says Bukowski.
“It gave me the insight and the ability to step back a bit and see things that I was feeling too close to,” says Bukowski. “It helped me to get healthier and more in touch with what I was feeling and where I sensed God was calling me.”
Both pastors came to the retreat wrestling with issues of call and were each seriously considering if it was time to leave pastoral ministry. Du Bois says he had previously decided that he didn’t want circumstances to overwhelm him and to allow the sheer difficulty of ministry to drive him out. If he was going to leave, God was going to have to lead him out, he says.
“Everything I did that week, I would think about ‘How is God speaking to me? What does this mean to the kind of pastor I am or will be?’” he says. “I realized that it’s not up to me to say ‘I don’t like this, I’m quitting.’ It’s not my will, it’s God’s will that should be done.”
For Du Bois, the most important aspect of the retreat was having the ability to talk with peers about the struggles of his life and ministry and receiving their support and encouragement.
“I can’t talk about what I’m struggling with to the people who are causing me those struggles,” he says. “But at the retreat, I got affirmation that even though I’m a broken person, I’m still worthwhile and still useful to God and to others. To share with others and have them say ‘You got some good insights’ and ‘You’re going to be okay,’ is very therapeutic.”
Only a few days into the retreat, Du Bois knew that he was called to stay in ministry. Over the past year, things have been going well at his church and he’s liking ministry better. He’s recently realized that, he’s in a “watering” ministry and not a “planting ministry,” and that it’s okay to help a small congregation grow in faith and ministry.
“One day, I’ll grow up to be a good pastor,” he says.
But for Bukowski, the revisioning retreat has led to a much different journey. When the retreat ended, he left knowing that it was time to pursue another call, a call out of pastoral ministry. Shortly after returning home, he began work with a spiritual director and has spent the past year discerning that call.
Last month, Bukowski gave a letter of resignation to his congregation and on May 27, brought to a close a 20 year career as a pastor. For now, he’s going to work as a painting contractor to provide for his family and will start classes this fall to prepare for work as either a teacher or counselor.
“I realized that I am called to work with young people,” he says. “I want that kind of passion about my work that has been lacking for quite some time. I’m not blaming God for that or my congregation. But I just needed to give myself permission to sit at Jesus’ feet and ask ‘Where now?’”
The retreat gave him that chance, Bukowski says. It gave him the opportunity to sit in the silence and listen for God’s voice.
“It was one of the most helpful and inspirational weeks of my life,” he says.
Of the 40 pastors who have participated in the Revisioning Retreats to date, Bukowski is the only one who has decided to leave pastoral ministry, says Pietrzyk.
“We've been blessed that virtually every pastor has come out of the retreats more confident and committed than ever before to their call to pastoral ministry,” says Pietrzyk. “In this instance, the retreat worked for both Tim and Greg, because each is taking the step that is right for him, and that is exactly what we wanted. Our Revisioning Retreats are intended to truly help pastors reexamine and discern their call, wherever it might take them.”
