SPE Program Spotlight
Priests Bring Hidden Offense of Domestic Violence into the Light
Ask almost any priest or other pastor if domestic violence is a problem in their congregations, and it’s a safe bet that most will say “no.” By its very nature a “hidden” offense, domestic violence typically thrives in the darkness, shrouded in silence and shame for both the abused and the abuser.
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For more information on domestic violence, visit these Web sites:“When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women,” A Statement of the U.S. Catholic BishopsNational Domestic Violence HotlineNational Network to End Domestic ViolenceFaith Trust InstituteJewish Women InternationalNational Coalition Against Domestic Violence |
But in the Archdiocese of Washington, a handful of Catholic priests have been learning how to bring domestic violence—indeed, all forms of relationship violence—out into the light and to use the full resources of the church to help those who are its victims. Dramatically taking notions of “excellence” down into the nitty-gritty of parish life, seven priests from throughout the archdiocese took part last summer in a Pastoral Excellence Study Group focused on domestic violence.
“If the national data is right, one in five of our parishioners is dealing with domestic violence or other relationship violence,” says Father Robert Keffer, the study group leader and pastor at Church of the Resurrection in Burtonsville, Md. “So, it would behoove us as priests to be able to address it.”
In six day-long sessions scattered from early June to mid-September, the priests learned about domestic violence overall and what they can do about it in their parishes. In addition to reading about the issue and hearing presentations from outside speakers, the priests visited domestic violence programs and shelters, learned about available community resources and, finally, developed their own pastoral plan to address the issue in their home parishes.
The goal, says Keffer, wasn’t to make the priests counselors or experts in the subject of relationship violence and abuse but to give them enough knowledge that they can comfortably deal with the issue and create a safe climate in which victims can come forward and be heard.
“Being aware of what’s going on isn’t necessarily about being an expert, but about responding from a true Christian perspective to help people on their journey,” says Keffer. “Even if we refer them because we don’t have the resources, we will still walk with them. That is part of being an excellent pastor, being present wherever our parishioners are and in whatever turmoil they may be facing.”
The Pastoral Excellence Study Group on domestic violence is one of several pastoral study groups on various subjects that have been created by priests in the Washington archdiocese under the Sustaining Excellent Pastors-Promoting Pastoral Excellence program, an SPE program funded by Lilly Endowment Inc. Sponsored by the archdiocese, the Dominican House of Studies, and the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA) at Georgetown University, the SEP-PEP program initially spent three years conducting research to identify the key marks of excellence among priests in the archdiocese (see the June 2006 article, Eleven Characteristics of Pastoral Excellence) and is now building on that work through the pastoral study groups.
“One of the first things we did after identifying the characteristics of excellent pastors was to establish the Pastoral Excellence Study Group program,” says Donald R. McCrabb, project coordinator for Sustaining Excellent Pastors-Promoting Pastoral Excellence. “Our hope was that it would encourage priests throughout the archdiocese to take the initiative and form their own study groups on whatever subjects interest them, with the understanding that they can advance their own competencies by studying together.”
The study group on domestic violence was one of the first groups formed and, so far, one of the most successful, says McCrabb.
“We’ve just really been pleased with the excellence of the response,” says McCrabb. “It takes a significant amount of time and energy to get one of these groups started, but they did an incredible job preparing and submitting their proposal. Domestic violence is a major pastoral challenge, and the study group is succeeding far beyond our hopes.”
The group came about almost by chance, growing out of a long-time friendship between Keffer and a parishioner, Sharon O’Brien, Ph.D., a family violence research consultant who writes and teaches about the faith community’s response to domestic violence. Although the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops issued a remarkable and insightful pastoral statement on domestic violence in 1992 and again in 2002, the Washington archdiocese, like most, did not have any kind of concerted, coordinated effort to address the problem.
Prompted by a parishioner’s concerns about domestic violence, the archdiocese’s Department of Social Concerns had convened a work group to study the issue and prepare a plan to address it. As they conducted their research, consulting with such organizations as the Faith Trust Institute and Jewish Women International, O’Brien and other work group members quickly realized that clergy support and buy-in would be essential to any successful domestic violence initiative. After talking with various archdiocese officials, she approached Keffer, who is also a certified counselor, about leading a clergy study group and, together, the two prepared a proposal for a Pastoral Excellence Study Group.
For the seven priests who participated in the study group, the experience was eye-opening, says Keffer. Most had never realized the breadth and depth of the problem.
In all, almost a third of American women report being physically or sexually abused at some point in their life, says O’Brien, citing a 1998 study. Solid numbers are difficult to come by. According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence each year against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, to 3 million women per year who are physically abused by a husband or boyfriend.
“For Catholics, though, the good news is that the church has probably the most comprehensive and compassionate statements ever written about domestic violence,” says O’Brien. “The Bishops’ pastoral letter on domestic violence is very clear that relationship violence is a sin, not to be tolerated. No one is meant to live this way, not the victim, the abuser, or children.”
Unfortunately, says Keffer, most people in the pews and even many priests aren’t familiar with the Bishops’ pastoral letter and don’t know the church’s position on the subject.
“The feedback we get from many women is that when they tried to talk about domestic violence with their priest, they were often told that marriage is for better or worse, and they just have to stick it out,” says Keffer. “But that’s not at all what the Bishops’ statement says.”
Sometimes, one of the biggest obstacles for the victims of domestic violence, particularly in a faith community, is that the allegations may be difficult for others to believe. Abusers have a public face and a private face, says O’Brien. They may be active church members and even parish leaders, respected and well-liked in the community.
“Regardless of their denomination, almost all clergy say ‘This isn’t a problem in my congregation,’” says O’Brien, who also serves as president of the Interfaith Community Against Domestic Violence in Montgomery County, Md.. “But if they talk about the issue in a homily, people will come forward.”
As part of the Pastoral Excellence Study Group, the participating pastors each committed to preaching a homily on domestic violence as part of their broader pastoral plan to address the issue. So far, every priest who has preached on the subject has had parishioners come forward to say they had been affected by domestic violence and to thank the priest for speaking out. After Keffer’s church placed a brochure and questionnaire about domestic violence in the women’s bathroom, he received four phone calls within three weeks from women who are or have been in abusive relationships and is now counseling them.
As a trained and certified counselor, Keffer is qualified to counsel people dealing with domestic abuse, but all priests can still serve as “first responders,” says O’Brien. Researchers have found that victims of domestic violence are much more likely to approach clergy for help before they will turn to the police, social services, or some other secular agency.
“The most important thing the church can do is to send a message that they know domestic violence exists and should not be tolerated,” she says. “If people find that their clergy believe them, then that increases the likelihood they will pursue the matter. Clergy really are the first responders and have the perfect opportunity to say ‘You are not alone. The Church cares about you during this challenge.’”
When people come forward with stories of domestic abuse, priests need to do three things, according to the Bishops’ pastoral letter:
- Listen and believe the victim’s story;
- Help her to assess the danger to herself and her children, and
- Refer her to counseling and other specialized services.
“When a parishioner says ‘This is what happened to me,’ the point is that we need to believe it,” says O’Brien.
While men can also be victims of domestic violence, women and children are by far the most common victims. Once priests begin studying the issue, they soon realize that it is part of a broader culture of violence that affects all of us, says Keffer.
“It’s not only about the person being abused, but also the abuser,” he says. “Once you start addressing these issues, it gets bigger and bigger. You realize it’s not just one little point, but a broad problem that touches vast areas of people’s lives from bullying at school to all forms of relationship violence.”
